Evil Cats, Passive-Aggressive Income, And More

Updates and stories

Hello everyone!

Today was much longer than I expected. Every bus schedule and route is a riddle I don’t understand. I miss walkable cities with all my heart. However the day yielded wonderful results! I had two more interviews. One led to a job offer! I believe I start in a week or two.

And the crowd goes wild!

(P.S. I’m going to get all serious for a second, so if you just want those sweet sweet links please scroll down.)

Is it a job I’m passionate about? Not exactly. But I’m good at it and working there will give me a steady income while I improve my writing and art skills on the side. Unless they suddenly call me and say they’ve found a horrible secret about me on the internet or made a mistake with their numbers. Don’t mind me, I’m a the-glass-will-be-half empty-soon kind of girl. Overall though I feel a sense of relief, tinged with a little sadness.

It’s hard to admit that one isn’t good enough to make their passion a career yet. But at the end of the day I want to save enough money to pay my back my loans and be an equal contributor to household expenses. Which ALSO means I will get to split the household chores. Soooo excited to not have to do dishes every night. Plus I can start to save funds so if/when I do get a job in a different city (with better public transportation) we can get up and go.

Don't worry, I’ll also keep publishing on Medium and (hopefully) in other publications. And of course this newsletter. Thanks for sticking around.

Links to stories you might like:

This one has been a surprise hit. I read about passive income all the time and one day thought, “Can I find some way to make a passive-aggressive income?” And that led to this funny post.

One of my favorite illustrated/animated non-fiction posts. I agreed to cat-sit for a friend. It did not go well.

When you write, especially humor, chances are someone else will come along and beat you to the punch. Before you think they’ve stolen your idea, you might want to read this and reevaluate.  

If I had a fairy godmother I wouldn’t want the gift of singing birds out of trees. I want to be able to talk to people at parties or any of these other more useful gifts. 

If you like the show Love is Blind you won’t want to miss the premier of these new reality shows inspired by other relationships clichés 

(Preface for this one, because it is dark. The thought of a pandemic scares. Yet I am also amazed that people are still traveling when there is a chance of a global outbreak. I drafted this piece when the cruise ship got quarantined. I finished it when they announced the a hotel told all of the tourists to stay in their rooms once it was revealed that a guest tested positive. In no way am I making fun of the sick in this piece, just the blind panic the doctors must be feeling and how they might try to keep everyone calm.) If you still want to read, here are some fun activities you can enjoy at the coronavirus quarantine camp.

More:

What I’m reading: 97 Orchard: An Edible History Of Five Immigrant Families and One New York Tenement. Basically if it’s food history, with really good descriptions of meals, I will read it.

What I’m listening to: Wecrashed, a podcast about the rise and fall of WeWork.

What I’m eating all the time: I found some “everything bagel” seasoning and now I just smother bread with butter and shake the glorious stuff on top. Everything I eat must taste like onion and sesame, this is the law.

Thank you for reading!

Kyrie

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Sunday Comic

Double feature

Hello everyone!

I have a double feature for you today! Originally I pushed the new calendar back to March since the insomnia was taking its toll, but I felt bad about the lack of comics. So here is a fun double whammy. Are both comics food related?

Yes. And I’m not sorry.

First up is proof that all berries are delicious, but only some are fighters.

Pay For It In Blood

This next one is the reason why I’m pretty sure my increasing vegetable intake isn’t helping me.

I Can’t Believe It Tastes So Good

Hope you enjoyed!

You’ll get a lot of content this coming week, so keep an eye on your inbox.

What have I been up to besides the usual? A lot! There are many baskets being prepared, if you know what I mean. One such basket is a children’s book I’m getting ready to send out or self-publish. Here is little look from the brainstorming sketches if you are curious…

Thank you for reading! Have a wonderful conclusion to your weekend.

Kyrie

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Muses, Phantoms, Tables, And Trash, OH MY!

Updates and story links

Hello everyone!

Great news this week! Do you want to take a guess what arrived yesterday?

Hint:

That’s right! We got a table! And it’s life-changing. 

I am finally able to work with all my sketches, computer, and pencils spread out around me. There is no need to worry about breaking a box by pressing too hard in the wrong place. My back no longer need contort so I can work on the floor.

And on a more personal note it makes meals and morning coffee with my partner enjoyable. Setting a table is romantic. Locating extra hard surfaces that can act as stabilizers for our plates and cups is less so.

We decided to bite the bullet and buy a table after a fateful find a few days before. While walking home, we saw them.

Trash chairs.

Later my partner went back and grabbed 3. I cleaned them. Thoroughly. And now they sit with pride beneath a non-trash table.

Our biggest regret was someone else grabbed the last two before we could grab one more to make a set of four. Truly there are no rules when it comes to trash furniture.

Thanks to all of those who sent nice messages about my sleep issues. I’ve managed to fall asleep without the pills for last four nights before 2 in the morning. Progress!

Links to stories:

My favorite from this week is this one where I imagine all the ways I could use my surplus tampons that some lawmakers assumed I’d hoard if they were not taxed.

Because reading job postings has become a literal part-time job for me, I did a rewrite of an older piece in which a writer seeks inspiration via job boards. Muses who wish to be paid need not apply. 

If you’ve read those “Am I The Asshole?” threads on Reddit then you will recognize this format. Eric, from Phantom of the Opera, just wants to know if he is indeed the asshole in the relationship.  And I think you will agree, he is.

I’ve seen way too many movies where the plot is driven by popular games that kids play (Bloody Marry, Light as a feather, the Midnight man) and so I’ve imagined what other movies they could make given the variety of games they can choose from. 

I probably need a section for life coach humor since I write so much of it. But here is a piece in which a phoenix tells you how to change your life. Essentially you need to burn your old life to the ground, and rise from the ashes.

Thanks for reading!

Other writers I enjoy:

Audrey is a prolific comedy writer with stories across the web. She’s a joy to read on Twitter as well. Take a look at this story, Our New Weight-Loss App For Kids Is Totally Worth The Risk.

Maria is a hilarious writer who nails specificities like few others. Check out her piece, You Didn’t Get the Job Because You Loved Good Charlotte Too Much to get a taste of her humor.

I hope you enjoyed this newsletter! Substack updated their platform so I believe you can leave comments now and I’ll make sure I check them once a day if you have any questions, comments, tips, or concerns.

Kyrie

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Purple Pills, Trains, and Pokémon

Guffaw's weekly newsletter

Hello everyone!

It’s been quite a week! A busy and a sleepy week.

In case you are unaware I suffer from insomnia. My attempt to battle it appears to have only made it stronger. The purples pills I took (which said non-dependence inducing!) knocked me out after an hour. This was bliss. 

But the next day I’d be groggy and unable to focus for a good portion of the morning.

Yet when I tried to sleep without them I encounter restlessness and a growing paranoia due to the lack of sleep. The latter manifests either as sleep paralysis or feeling certain that the shadows are moving. 

Despite this sleepiness I still managed to hop on a train and get myself to  San Francisco for the first time to meet up with fellow Medium writers and attempt to workshop some soon-to-be pieces. I had so much fun that I forgot to take pictures. 

Here are some stories you might enjoy:

A nonfiction/illustrated piece in which I reimagine the men I’ve dated as Pokémon.

If you like cosmetic company slogans, wait till you get a look at their new historical spokeswomen. 

Valentine’s Day approaches and literary characters share their love (or lack of love).

A slightly dirtier piece of satire in which the peach being used in all the stock photos begs you to stop objectifying it.

This selkie, a fairy who can take the form of a woman or a seal, is looking for this ONE thing in a mate.

Thanks for reading!

Kyrie

Fake Pizza And More Crazy Ways To Choose A Candidate

Updates, stories, and more

Hello everyone!

Have you ever found yourself scrolling through job listings in a different state? That’s where I am right now. I count myself lucky, since the endless California sun is probably preferable to freezing temperatures in other places. However, spring will be upon us soon and I can’t help but miss the seasons. There is something lovely about watching the world start anew.  It’s like nature is reminding you that it’s OK to start over, even if you’ve failed.

I just don’t feel like a California girl. For more than one reason, but the weather is the simplest.

This week I’ve been writing, pitching, applying, making “baskets”, drawing, taking classes, and learning to cook more interesting meals. I still have not made many friends in this new city. However there is a friendly tree in the courtyard I can talk to during coffee breaks.

What I’m listening to this week:
The podcast Within the Wires. I’ve already binged the seasons once, but now I’m going through all four to find patterns and catch little easter eggs I missed. 

What I’m learning
How to shade my drawings.

Links to stories:

The Iowa Caucus is many things, but mostly it is insane. That’s why I’ve come up with these alternative methods to choose a candidate.

A piece from An Injustice in which I make some new decorative pillows for the millennial can only rent but not own.

I love writing satire about many things. This one is from the point of view of a sex writer who is exhausted by your incessant demands for hot tips.

I threw this guy into the comic newsletter. Yet when I saw they were still trying to make Baby Nut happen, I thought I needed to remind you that we will see more babies in our ads.

This is a nonfiction piece, for the new travel publication ONEPIN, about dating, China, and fake pizza.

Other writers that I enjoy:

Elle Rogers is incredibly funny. She co-edits the Frazzled publication which features lots of brilliant parenting humor. This one about the 5 stages of grief she goes through when her kids outgrow their clothes is my favorite.

Benjamin Davis has numerous essays on and off the internet. Witty, and having lived a more adventurous life than I would ever be able to, his humor here in this piece about getting illegal butt surgery in Russia is highly recommended.

Thank you for reading!

Kyrie

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