The Victorian love language of fans updated for phones

Use the tools you got

Where has romance gone? More specifically, why did we let 19th-century fan language disappear? I yearn to take my fan out to the bar or grocery store and use it to flirt instead of depending on modern signals that can be hard to decipher. Not so with fan language. At least, that's what the guides (which definitely weren't written to sell fans) would like you to believe.

But it's 2025. I don’t carry a fan. You probably don't carry a fan. You do, however, have a phone. And fan language is (mostly) easy to translate into a phone language.

Examples:

Carry it in your left hand in front of your face to tell someone across the room, "Hey you! I am desirous of your acquaintance."

If you switch hands, you up the stakes by demanding," Follow me." This move is excellent for flirters or for serial killers trying to lure away their victims quietly. I am not here to judge.

Place the fan against your ear to indicate that you don't wish to speak with someone. In the 1800s, this was the ubiquitous, "Talk to the fan." The best part of having a phone instead of a fan is that you can pretend to talk to someone else, thus making no room to misinterpret your desire that you wish the person talking to you would get lost.

Holding a fan face out sends a very forward, "Come and talk to me." Look at you taking the lead in a way with no stakes! When using a phone, unlock it and turn the open screen toward your intended target.

Turn your phone on, hold it in front of your face, and turn the home screen on for your love to see. They will understand you want them to wait for you. Hopefully, they know where since fan language isn't suitable for details like locations. But we're going for old-fashioned romance here. No texting!

Sometimes, the jump from fans to phones is more complicated. “Open-and-shut" a fan becomes "turn on-and-off" your device. This technique sends a scathing, "You are cruel," message to the person who hurt you. That will show them.

Be careful with what speed you use your tool since different levels of urgency have various interpretations. For example, you can type a random message with painful slowness instead of fanning yourself languidly. Clearly, you are stating, "I am married."

Quick fanning or typing conveys the completely different missive, "I am engaged." Yes, that is entirely different! You're not off the market yet. So allow potential lovers to try and woo you.

One of the most dangerous moves is twirling your device, which is easier to do with a fan. While difficult, it's the quickest way to alert someone to the fact that someone is watching. Although maybe people are staring because you are bizarrely twirling your phone. It's a real mystery.

If you really want to take that leap for love, you should drop your phone. Hear me out! Women used to "accidentally" drop their fans to get attention. It might break, but it puts the message, "We will be more than friends," out there for your future partner (you know, they don't) to see. Plus, they might pick up your broken phone and hand it to you, showing they are gallant as well as cute.

As with every language, there comes a time when you should know when and how to say goodbye. Like the classy person you are, it will be with your little finger extended as you glide from the room.