I like to think I am a competent cook. I have my struggles. Zucchini always becomes watery. I have yet to overcome my fear of undercooking meat. There is room for improvement, sure. But baking? Follow the recipe, and BOOM! A tasty treat, ready to eat.
Not bread. Never bread. It does not like me. The child of yeast wants to make my life miserable.
For this Thanksgiving I decided this would be the year I baked rolls. So, for the last week, I’ve been trying, in small batches, to achieve that goal.
How has it gone? Bad.
The dough did not rise.
The dough over-proofed.
The dough stuck to the counter so badly it took me forever to scrape off—honestly, it was my fault for not laying down parchment paper on a grooved countertop.
The dough did not taste good when baked.
The dough started texting my partner salacious rumors about me to break us up. (OK, this didn’t happen. But I know if it could, the bread dough would do this because it lives to terrorize me.)
I got new yeast after asking everyone’s favorite parent, the Internet, for advice. We shall see if those rolls will remain a fever dream or become a delicious reality.
What have I been reading?
The September House is one of the few books that made me so sad when I had to return it to the library that I went and got my own copy. It kept me company on a long plane ride, and I’ve probably listened to it five times already. I love it; it’s funny, spooky, and sad.
What I’m cooking/reading
I like trying new recipes when I’m not crying over sticky dough. Ruby Tandoh’s Cook As You Are is excellent. The recipes aren’t too complicated and contain flavors I don’t always think about offhand. Her carrot soup is now on regular rotation in my kitchen.
Will a satire piece inspired by my bread angst be written in the future? Yes, I am playing with ideas now.
But I have nothing solid to show yet, and I wanted to send out a newsletter to stay in touch. Look at me, not breaking promises!
May your day and/or baking endeavors treat you well.
Ever try a prefab mix like banana bread mix with nuts? Impossible to f'up. Date bread mix is great too.
Although, the cursed fruitcake mix (don't try this at home, fatal!), and maybe a few others. Pumpkin spice comes to mind.
Remember, homemade fruitcake is a prepper-survivalist food stuff, it will outlast any dystopian earth species extinction event. In fact millions of years from now paleontologist will be able to decode the past upon finding a fruitcake fossil, it will be readable like a rosetta stone from ancient civilizations. The sands of time got nothing on fruitcake!