Hot singles near you when it's too cold to leave your house
They'll warm your heart or at least your hands.
(Author’s note: It is freezing here in the south which is highly unusual. So while I bundle under a pile of warm laundry to write, I hope you enjoy this bit of satire.)
When the wind chills you to the bone and leaving the comfort of your heated home to find someone to snuggle with fills you with dread, fear not! Your evening can still be steamy if you know where to look.
Laundry
Bio: I'm always ready for a tumble with the sheets. You know you can trust me; I'm clean. But beware, I don't like to waste time. I believe if there's a connection, you can feel the static in the air right away.
Coffee
Bio: Mornings alone can be difficult. There are days when you want to lie in bed and rot for the whole day. I'm not about that. I get up early, PUMPED to start accomplishing all my goals. I'll push you to be your best self. Let me into your life, and you'll never want to (or be able to) let me go.
Toaster
Bio: You think sliced bread is a revelation? What about the person behind the scenes doing all the work to make that bread delicious? I'll take things from warm to crispy in an instant if you say the word/twist my knob. I'm a single-purpose kind of appliance. Let's not complicate things.
Curling Iron
Bio: Some would say I'm a little twisted. I know how to keep things hot, so I hope to find someone willing to go for a twirl. Word to the wise? Make sure you have lots of heat protection on hand, or I'll fry your mind, but mostly your hair.
Soup
Bio: There's a little something for everyone with me. I'm willing to mold my personality to suit your taste. Do you need a warm purée experience? You got it. Scalding hot with rough chunks of meat more your style? I'll go that route too. You name it and prepare it, and I'm yours.
Shower
Bio: I will get you so wet. Need I say more?
Crockpot
Bio: If you like a slow burn, then look no further. I take time to warm up to new people, but I'm dependable to a fault after that. As long as you know how to turn me on, that is. That's not a joke; I come with an instruction manual.