Hi everyone!
Wonder what I hate to eat? Well I’m here to tell you.
(Note: this is one of those silly newsletters. If you just want the friend links to stories, skip on down to the end. A behind the scenes newsletter should be out later this week.)
Before you judge let me say that I will eat the food listed below. Yet for the life of me I can’t pretend I like it. I don’t care how good you tell me it is, or if you sing its praises. The following items are on my list of “If you insist” foods
Oatmeal
I have tried everything. I’ve used instant, old-fashioned, steel-cut, flavored, unflavored, and whatever other variety well-intentioned friends suggested. Sorry, oatmeal is the always terrible. I eat it because I’m getting older and it’s supposed to do good things, but it’s like cement every time. I yearn to have that experience of putting a pat of butter on top of perfectly cooked grains before sitting down at a rough wooden table on a cold winter morning to enjoy the warmth of the oatmeal filling my body. Yes, I’ve read all the Little House on the Prairie books. So what? Unfortunately I’ll never have the oatmeal that’s exists only in my mind.
Blue Cheese
Save me from blue cheese cultists. My partner is one. If he goes to the grocery store without me I know he’ll come back with a block of the stuff that will soon infiltrate every corner of the fridge with its overpowering smell. Why would I want to eat visible mold? Why do I want to taste “funk” when I could have so many other cheeses? Get thee gone blue cheese!
Funions
When I was young we used to have Saturday TV night. Our parents would let us stay up late to watch Nick at Nite and choose our own bags of chips from the grocery store. A very important decision for a young 90s kid. My choice was generally Salt and Vinegars. Yet my sister loved Funions. To this day the smell of those greasy oniony chips makes me want to puke.
Papaya
I really thought I’d love this fruit. It has a fun name and I assumed it would taste like mango or starfruit. However it does not. I can’t even describe it. It’s like that person in class you say hi to when you must but you really hope they aren’t in your group for the class project. Whenever I get a salad and see Papaya I eat it first, so I save the good stuff to wash the offending flavor out of my mouth.
Blueberry Pie
To be fair I dislike most cooked fruit. But for some reason this is the pie that upsets me the most. Blueberries are so perfect when they are in fresh berry form. Even when frozen they still retain some of the sun in their bright flavor. Once they are turned into pie they are lost in the sugar, and they become mush. I’ve eaten this pie to be polite, but it is flavored with my tears as I think of the berries that might have been.
Now, as promised, here are a few of stories you may enjoy.
Stories:
Coffee mugs for teachers who are forced to return to school.
Parenting books written by literary characters.
Rides in Adult Land.
Thank you for reading!
Kyrie